I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by
turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I
did...
she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting
"pedophile" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21
and I'm 50.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said,
"We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.
---------------------------------------------------------
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for
half an hour, as I started to feel sick.
It's great though.
It does everything -
KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot."
-----------------------------------------------------------
Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain ?
17% said yes;
11% said No; and 72% said,
"I am not understanding the question please."
-----------------------------------------------------------
On my Census form there is a question "Do you have any dependents ?"
Apparently putting "Hundreds of Africans, Pakistanis, Somalians, single
mums, Romanians, loafers, smack heads, and non-English speaking people" isn't the right answer. ?
They've sent my form back.
