Dear Deirdre
"As it was such a nice sunny day yesterday, I walked up the garden and as I looked over the fence I noticed that my gorgeous neighbour was sunbathing topless.
She didn't spot me so after a few minutes of taking in the view I started to have a wank.
As I shot my whack all over the fence I realised that my wife was standing behind me and had witnessed the whole episode".
"To cut to the chase Deirdre",
"Do you think my wife is a pervert ?"
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Oh ok, heres another one ....
Paddy shouts frantically down the phone,
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only 2 minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" Asks the operator.
"No," shouts Paddy.
"This is her husband". !!
