A blind man walks into a bar and says to the barmaid: "I've got a really good blonde joke for you." The barmaid says to him: "Excuse me, I'm a 6ft blonde rugby player, the woman behind you is a blonde shot-putter, and the woman next to you is a blonde bodybuilder. Do you still want to tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, then says: "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times."
A drunk walks into a pub and starts staring at the barmaid's cleavage. Then he leans over the bar and starts kissing her. She is stunned, but when she has gathered herself, she slaps him very, very hard across the face, and he apologises immediately. "I'm sorry," he says, "but I thought you were my wife - you look just like her." "Why you worthless, wretched, no good drunk!" she screams back. "Blow me," he mutters, "and you even sound just like her, too."
A man walks into a bar with a 10ft giraffe. The two of them proceed to order drink after drink and after an hour, the pair are riotously drunk. At this point, the giraffe stands up, totters for a moment and then keels over. His companion looks at him, gets up, pays the barmaid and starts walking out of the bar. The outraged barmaid shouts after him: "Hey, mister, you can't leave that lyin' here!" The man staggers a little and replies: "Excuse me, miss," he slurs, "that's a giraffe, not a lion."
A man goes into an exclusive bar wearing a shirt open at the collar. "I'm sorry, sir," the barmaid explains. "I can't serve you unless you're wearing a tie." The man leaves the bar, goes to his car, looks around for a tie, but only finds a set of car jump leads in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, fashions an acceptable-looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He returns to the bar and orders a drink from the barmaid. She looks him over suspiciously for a few moments, and then nods her head. "Well, all right then, I guess I can serve you - just don't start anything."
