Benny the Dip is Unwell !!

[bennythedip2]

High Urinals
A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs ) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the mens room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, 'You must be in the 5th grade.'

'No, ma'am', he replied.
'I'm riding "Silver Arrow" (Tony's selection) in the seventh race,
but I appreciate your help.'

[bennythedip2]

2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout,
"air in the hands mother stickers this is a fu ck up"

[Dobie2089]

"Jump in and I'll take you home," I said to my dwarf neighbour, who was sat at the bus stop today.

"Piss off!" he replied.

"Suit yourself then," I said, as I straightened up my backpack and continued with my walk.

[Dobie2089]

So DNA tests confirm that Richard III is the last Englishman to be found in Leicester.

[bally73]

Roses are red
Violets are glorious
Don't try and surprise
Oscar pretaurius

[bennythedip2]

hahahaa

[bennythedip2]

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

'You know what?' says the 7 year old,
'I think it's about time we started swearing.'

The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says,
'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?'

'Ok' the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm..

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for
breakfast.

'Oh, shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops'

WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up,
and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice,
' And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'

'I don't know,' he blubbers,

'but it won't be fuc'king Coco Pops'

[bennythedip2]

My mate, just back from holiday in Thailand
Tells me on the phone that he came so close to shagging a lady boy!!
He said,
"Looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady, kissed like a lady" !.....

It was only when she drove me to her place and reversed the car into the garage first time , he thought ????

''hang on a fuc'king minute" ...

[Tony2005]

I dont contribute to this thread as much as i should but this made me laugh...




The Black Bra (as told by a woman)


I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+
years.



We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men
by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a
mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.



Here's how it all went.



My engaged friend:

The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black
leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are
the woman of my dreams...I love you.' Then we made passionate love all
night long.



The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing
a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes.
When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to
tremble and we had wild sex all night.



Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black
stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door
and saw me he said,

































" What's for dinner, Zorro?"...........

[Dobie2089]

I bought a greyhound off the local blacksmith the other day . When i got home , i let hi m straight out into the garden and his first reaction was to make a bolt for the gate