Benny the Dip is Unwell !!

[Dobie2089]

A couple of men in suits knocked on my door and said "Can I tell you the news about our saviour, Bread?"...

They were Jehovis witnesses.

[Dobie2089]

Sir Alex Ferguson defended his decision to leave Van Persie on the bench for today's match in the rain claiming...

"The boy could have drowned!"

[bennythedip2]

classic, nice one Dobie

[bennythedip2]

Husband: .. "Honey, i have a problem at work"!.

Wife: .. "Never say "I," but "WE", We're one now".



Husband: ... "Ok honey, our secretary is pregnant for us".

Wife:

[Dobie2089]

Me and my mate Dave were having a drink at the local bar.

I asked him, "If I slept with your wife and we had a child together, would that make us related?"

"No," he replied "but it would make us even"

[Dobie2089]

I've just seen Jonathan Ross, a deputy sheriff and the Kaiser Chiefs walk into a bar.

I predict a Wyatt.

[bennythedip2]

hahaaha

[bennythedip2]

Wife hit her husband with frying pan.

Husband: What was that for…?

Wife: I found a paper in your pocket... with the name Jenny on it.

Husband: Ohh, I took part in a race last week, and Jenny was the name of my horse.

Wife: Sorry..!

Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again

Husband: What now..?

Wife:... your horse is on phone !!!!

[bennythedip2]

40 Gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates in their Transit vans and caravans.

St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying. 'I've got 40 travellers here. Can I let them in?'

God says;- 'We are over the quota on Pikeys.
... Go out and tell them to choose between them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen in.'

Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to God again.

'They've gone', he tells God.

'What?' says God, 'All 40 of them?'

"No, the Gates..... "

[Part-Timer]

An Arabic family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah into a nursing home.
All the Arabic facilities were completely full so they had to put him into an Australian nursing home.
After a few weeks in the Australian facility, they came to visit Grandpa.
''How do you like it here?'' asks the grandson.
''It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful'', says Grandpa.
''We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone.''
''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents'', Abdullah says with a big smile.


''There's a musician here-- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!
There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honour'!
There's a dentist here -- 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor!


And me -- I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The ******* Arab'.