Benny the Dip is Unwell !!

[bennythedip2]

Get the correct insurance! ?

SEX INSURANCE

Just like you can get insurance for Cars, Property, Sports etc,
you can now get insurance for sex !!


So make sure you get the correct insurance for the sex you are having.
Please find a list of companies below catering for most tastes:-

Sex with your wife - Legal & General.

Sex on the telephone - Direct Line

Sex with your Partner - Standard Life

Sex with someone Different - Go Compare

Sex with a person of generous proportions - More Than

Sex On the back seat of a car - Sheila's Wheels

Sex with a prostitute - Commercial Union

Sex with your maid - Employer's Liability

Sex with an OAP - Saga

Sex resulting in pregnancy - General Accident

And finally

Sex with a transvestite - Confused.com ...

Make sure you are adequately covered

[bennythedip2]

Sukan Star TV ... By : Sukan Star .com @ sukanstar.com

sorry link not working

[bennythedip2]

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.



The letter read:


Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.
Yesterday someone stole my purse.
It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.
Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner, and without that money, I have nothing to buy food with.
I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope...
Can you please help me?
Sincerely,

Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers.
Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.
By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.
The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.
Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.
All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?
Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends.
We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing.


I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.


Sincerely, Edna

[bennythedip2]

Old but still a good laugh....


One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Ronnie driving a brand new pickup.

Ronnie pulled up to him with a wide grin.

"Ronnie, where'd you get that truck?!?"

"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Ronnie replied.

"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"

"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened.


We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of no where.

Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods.

"She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said


'Ronnie, take whatever you want.' !!


So I took the truck!"

"Ronnie, you're a smart man!. Them clothes woulda never fit you anyways ".

[bennythedip2]

Ever wondered what an Arsenal fan looks like with their kit off ?? http://youtu.be/5oIFRsJva0I ..

[bennythedip2]

The stars and their teams .. http://youtu.be/wamXxorpZ3c

[bennythedip2]

The guys were on a golf tour. No one wanted to room with KEV, because he snored so badly. They decided
it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with KEV and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "KEV snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that KEV shakes the roof with his snoring.
I watched him all night."
The third night was STEVE'S turn. He was a tanned, older golfer, a man's man...
The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy- tailed. "Good morning!" he said.
They couldn't believe it.. They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed.
I went and tucked Kev into bed, patted him on the bum, and kissed him good night on the lips.


Kev sat up and watched me all night."

[bennythedip2]

Where did "piss poor" come from?







If you're young and hip, this is still interesting.







NOW THIS IS A REAL EDUCATION







Us older people need to learn something new every day...




Just to keep the grey matter tuned up.




Where did "Piss Poor" come from? Interesting Story.




They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot.




And then once it was full it was taken and sold to the tannery...




If you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor".







But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot...




They "didn't have a pot to piss in" and were the lowest of the low.







The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature




Isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.







Here are some facts about the 1500's




Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May,




And they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell,




Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.




Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.







Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.




The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water,




Then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children.




Last of all the babies.




By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.




Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water!"







Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath.




It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof.




When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.




Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."







There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.




This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings Could mess up your nice clean bed.




Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.




That's how canopy beds came into existence.







The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.




Hence the saying, "Dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery In the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing..




As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, It would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way.




Hence: a threshold.







(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)







In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire.




Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day.




Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.




Hence the rhyme:




"Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."







Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special.




When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off.




It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon."




They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat.







Those with money had plates made of pewter.




Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death.




This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.







Bread was divided according to status..




Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle,




And guests got the top, or the upper crust.







Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky.




The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days..




Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.




They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.




Hence the custom; "holding a wake."







England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people.




So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave.




When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.




Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, "saved by the bell" or was "considered a dead ringer."







And that's the truth.







Now, whoever said history was boring!!!




So get out there and educate someone!




Share these facts with a friend.




Inside every older person is a younger person wondering,




"What the heck happened?"




We'll be friends until we are old and senile.




Then we'll be new friends.




Smile, it gives your face something to do!

[bennythedip2]

A man brings his best golf mate home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30,
after golf.

On arrival, his wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed listening to the tirade...


"My bloody hair and make up are not done !
The house is a fu'king mess, and the dishes aren't done.

Can't you see I'm still in my fu'king pajamas and I can't be bothered with
cooking tonight!

Why the f'ck did you bring him home unannounced you stupid idiot?"


"Because he was thinking of getting married."

[bennythedip2]

WARNING!!! SCAM ALERT!!!

Be on the lookout for this girl and her friend. (below)

They are hanging out around the big 24 hr Tescos car park. When you are putting your shopping away, they ask you for a lift to McDonalds.
They are very convincing and very hot!
Once in your car this one takes off the clothes and starts climbing all over you, while she keeps you busy the other one takes your wallet!

I had mine taken on the 7th, 8th, 10th, twice yesterday and probably again tomorrow.


Tescos sells wallets for £2.99 but I found some at the Poundland for only £1 so I bought all they had.
These two harlots not only take your wallet but you never even make it to McDonalds-- so I've already lost 10 kgs!

Keep a lookout for them (I find that lunch time and around 5:30pm are best).

Be safe everyone, Merry Christmas!